Ten Barack Obama Jokes

I haven't blog in loooong while, I know. There's so much going on in the background of my life that I couldn't find the time, and if I had the time, the mood, to blog here. So much water indeed has passed under the bridge, that history has been made while I wasn't blogging. It's not too late though to blog about the President-elect Barack Obama.

U.S. comedians are saying that they will miss George W. Bush, as Mr. Obama apparently is not as easy as Dubya to joke about. Dubya, a card-bearing anti-intellectual (like Sarah Palin???), has his trademark "Bushisms" that comedians earn a living on. Mr. Obama is the intellectual that the likes of Mr. Bush despises.

That may be so, but there's no limit to human creativity, comedians especially. See for yourselves what jokes I was able to gather from the Web on Obama:

"And people were worried about the Bradley effect. Apparently, it was not nearly as strong as the Bush effect." -Jay Leno

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"According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama." -Jay Leno

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"Last night, after Barack Obama was declared the winner, President Bush called Obama, promised to work with him to guarantee a smooth transition. Yeah. Yeah, when we heard this, Obama said, 'Thanks, but you've done enough.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"People looking into Barack Obama's campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. Yeah. It turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey." -Conan O'Brien

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"With just 19 days left until the election, Barack Obama warned supporters today to guard against overconfidence. Then he boarded Air Force One, blasted 'We Are The Champions' and shouted 'I'm King of the World.'" -Amy Poehler

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"After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born." -Jon Stewart

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"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." -Jay Leno

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"A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.' Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say 'Barack Hussein Osama.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"After his big speech in North Carolina today, Senator Joe Biden said he was experiencing a sore throat and lost his voice. Boy, the good news doesn't stop for Barack Obama. Just one lucky break after another." -Jay Leno

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"Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it's not true. In fact his exact words were 'I did not have textual relations with that woman.'" -Jay Leno

Ten Quotes on Failure

I can't get over the fact that the Philippine Team to the 2008 Beijing Olympics failed to bag any medal. Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is reportedly “not happy,” too, over our medal shutout in the recently-concluded Olympic games.

And why not? Look, Michael Phelps is not even a team, much less a country, but he was able to haul eight gold medals on his own! Ok, so you think I'm being unfair? Let me point you to desolate Afghanistan, which was able to win it's first ever Olympic gold medal!

I know that Filipino-Chinese 24-year-old Willy Wang won the gold for Wushu. But Wushu is only an exhibition or demonstration sport in the Olympics, so any medal won in the sport do not count in the official medal tally.

Are there lessons to be learned from our FAILURE? Let's see what we can from these quotations:

My reputation grows with every failure. –George Bernard Shaw

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Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. –James Russell Lowell

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Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes. –John Dewey

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You won't skid if you stay in a rut. –Kin Hubbard

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There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought. –Laurence J. Peter

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Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. –Oscar Wilde

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Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied. –Pearl S. Buck

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Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. –Robert F. Kennedy

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It is a mistake to suppose that men succeed through success; they much oftener succeed through failures. Precept, study, advice, and example could never have taught them so well as failure has done. –Samuel Smiles

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We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery. –Samuel Smiles

Ten Quotes From Barack Obama

I admire Barack Obama a lot. He is a phenomenal guy, the type who comes along once in a generation. Given his origins, the odds he was up against and where he is right now, I can only conclude as an avid student of history that he is a man of destiny with an important, if not urgent, mission to fulfill in the world.

I certainly wish we could have someone with Barack's caliber and sense of mission as among the serious contenders for our own Philippine presidential elections come 2010. The country has suffered long enough dwelling in the cellar among the community of nations in Southeast Asia. We were ahead of most developing countries in the region in the 1960s that's why it is unnatural for us to be where we are right now. We badly need to regain our national pride, become relevant and respected again on the regional, if not the global, stage and recover our rightful place in the sun.

Here are ten quotes from BARACK OBAMA that best highlight his character and personal philosophy--alternately inspiring, witty, wise and frank:

Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.

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Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

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I know my country has not perfected itself. At times, we've struggled to keep the promise of liberty and equality for all of our people. We've made our share of mistakes, and there are times when our actions around the world have not lived up to our best intentions.

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If the people cannot trust their government to do the job for which it exists - to protect them and to promote their common welfare - all else is lost.

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Issues are never simple. One thing I'm proud of is that very rarely will you hear me simplify the issues.

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It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get to where we are today, but we have just begun. Today we begin in earnest the work of making sure that the world we leave our children is just a little bit better than the one we inhabit today.

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My parents shared not only an improbable love, they shared an abiding faith in the possibilities of this nation. They would give me an African name, Barack, or blessed, believing that in a tolerant America your name is no barrier to success.

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The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife.

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We need to internalize this idea of excellence. Not many folks spend a lot of time trying to be excellent.

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You know, my faith is one that admits some doubt.

The Ten Favorite Ancient Chinese Proverbs of Radovan Karadzic

The world can breath a little easier with another notorious war criminal finally reeled-in by the proverbial long arm of the law. Radovan Karadzic, former leader of the Bosnian Serbs, was indicted nearly 13 years ago in connection with the massacre of nearly 8,000 Bosnian men and boys at Srebrenica. Based on the comparative photos shown to the right of this post, you will agree that his low-tech disguise is very effective (he looks to me more like Santa Claus!). "You could only recognize him if you know him by the sound of his voice,” according to a wartime friend of Mr. Karadzic. But then, there is no perfect crime and crime does not pay, so there goes his ingenious disguise.

Mr. Karadzic had lived a double life for over a decade as "Dragan Dabic," an alternative medicine guru and part-time writer for the magazine "Healthy Life" (he was additionally a poet, by the way). Since he was really a practising psychiatrist before he entered politics, I figure that role-playing as an alternative medicine guru was not much of a strain for him. I got interested in his story when The New York Times reported that he had a website. I promptly Googled "Dragan Dabic website" and clicked the link to his site. Below is a screenshot of his website, in case authorities take it down later (click on image to enlarge):



The English translation of his assumed profile in the said website is quoted below:

Dr. Dragan "David" Dabic was born some six decades ago in a small Serbian village of Kovaci, near Kraljevo. As a young boy he liked to explore nearby forests and mountains, spending a lot of time on Kopaonik mountain where he tended to pick the omnipresent, natural and potent medicinal herbs that grew at those green pastures. As a young man he moved to Belgrade, and then on to Moscow where he graduated with a Doctor of Medicine degree (spec. in Psychiatry) at the Moscow State University (Lomonosov). After Russia, Dr. Dabic travelled around India and Japan, after which he settled in China where he specialized in alternative medicine, with a special emphasis on the mind-body control, meditation, Yoga, spiritual cleansing, as well as Chinese herbs. In mid-1990s Dr. Dabic returned back to mother Serbia for good, and ever since then emerged as one of the most prominent experts in the field of alternative medicine, bioenergy, and macrobiotic diet in the whole of the Balkans, and is frequent contributor to the regional alternative health magazines, and guest expert with numerous TV appearances and on many public forums, seminars and symposiums (Belgrade, Novi Sad, Pancevo, Sombor, Smederevo, Kikinda...) dedicated to these issues and topics.

Dr. Dragan Dabic currently resides on Yury Gagarin street in New Belgrade, but for public forum invitations, television appearances or private consultations he can be reached directly at the following contact:

healingwounds @ dragandabic . com

Guess what, Mr. Karadzic aka Mr. Dabic had ten (10) favorite ancient Chinese proverbs on his no-frills website. What do these choice quotes tell about this intriguing persona? See for yourself:

Behind every able man, there are always other able men.

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Teacher opens the door, but you must enter by yourself.

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A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.

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He who cannot agree with his enemies is controlled by them.

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If your strength is small, don't carry heavy burdens. If your words are worthless, don't give advice.

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A flawed diamond is better than a common stone that is perfect.

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Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.

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If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, teach people.

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You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.

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The one who gives up his own, shall dig two graves.

(Photo credit: The New York Times)

Ten Quotes on History

It must be the then-and-now photos of two unemployed persons from two historical eras, which I posted over the weekend in my other blog, that enticed me to read more about the Great Depression. The experience is, to say the least, enlightening and illuminating.

But disturbing, too, in the sense that it gave me a sense of foreboding about a likely future that is slowly unfolding much like a replay of an old familiar movie. I hope it's just my overworked mind playing a trick on me, for it's a future we'd rather not have.

Join me as I explore quotes from wise and famous men who have attempted to explain why history seems to uncannily repeat itself:

Whoever wishes to foresee the future must consult the past; for human events ever resemble those of preceding times. This arises from the fact that they are produced by men who ever have been, and ever shall be, animated by the same passions, and thus they necessarily have the same results. -Machiavelli

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History teaches everything including the future. -Lamartine

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The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes. -Mark Twain

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We learn from history that we never learn anything from history. -Hegel

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While the mediocre European is obsessed with history, the mediocre American is ignorant of it. -Anonymous

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If history teaches anything about the causes of revolution--and history does not teach much but still teaches considerably more than social science theories--it is that a disintegration of political systems precedes revolutions, that the telling symptom of disintegration is a progressive erosion of governmental authority, and that this erosion is caused by the government's inability to function properly, from which spring the citizens' doubts about its legitimacy. -Hannah Arendt

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You must always know the past, for there is no real Was, there is only Is. -William Faulkner

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Mankind are so much the same, in all times and places, that history informs us of nothing new or strange in this particular. Its chief use is only to discover the constant and universal principles of human nature. -David Hume

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History has now been for the first time systematically considered, and has been found, like other phenomena, subject to invariable laws. -August Comte

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History repeats itself because no one was listening the first time. -Anonymous

(Photo credit: www.sxc.hu)