Ten Funny Wall Street Quotes

I made a killing on Wall Street ago...I shot my broker. - Groucho Marx

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After spending many years in Wall Street and after making and losing millions of dollars I want to tell you this: It never was my thinking that made the big money for me. It always was my sitting. - Jesse Livermore

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When asked what the stock market will do, J.P. Morgan (1837-1913) (banker, financier, businessman) replied: "It will fluctuate."

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Bulls make money. Bears make money. Pigs get slaughtered. - Anonymous

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Over the Counter: Where you'll be getting your food from when you go out to dinner, after losing your money in the stock market.

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If stock markets experts were so expert, they would be buying stocks, not selling advice. - Norman R. Augustine

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One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute. - William Feather

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A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas." - Claude Pepper

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Ever wonder why fund managers can't beat the S&P 500? 'Cause they're sheep, and sheep get slaughtered. - Gordon Gekko ("Wall Street", 1987)

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The market can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent - John Maynard
Keynes

(Cartoon courtesy of Google Images)

Ten Barack Obama Jokes

I haven't blog in loooong while, I know. There's so much going on in the background of my life that I couldn't find the time, and if I had the time, the mood, to blog here. So much water indeed has passed under the bridge, that history has been made while I wasn't blogging. It's not too late though to blog about the President-elect Barack Obama.

U.S. comedians are saying that they will miss George W. Bush, as Mr. Obama apparently is not as easy as Dubya to joke about. Dubya, a card-bearing anti-intellectual (like Sarah Palin???), has his trademark "Bushisms" that comedians earn a living on. Mr. Obama is the intellectual that the likes of Mr. Bush despises.

That may be so, but there's no limit to human creativity, comedians especially. See for yourselves what jokes I was able to gather from the Web on Obama:

"And people were worried about the Bradley effect. Apparently, it was not nearly as strong as the Bush effect." -Jay Leno

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"According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama." -Jay Leno

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"Last night, after Barack Obama was declared the winner, President Bush called Obama, promised to work with him to guarantee a smooth transition. Yeah. Yeah, when we heard this, Obama said, 'Thanks, but you've done enough.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"People looking into Barack Obama's campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. Yeah. It turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey." -Conan O'Brien

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"With just 19 days left until the election, Barack Obama warned supporters today to guard against overconfidence. Then he boarded Air Force One, blasted 'We Are The Champions' and shouted 'I'm King of the World.'" -Amy Poehler

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"After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born." -Jon Stewart

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"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." -Jay Leno

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"A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.' Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say 'Barack Hussein Osama.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"After his big speech in North Carolina today, Senator Joe Biden said he was experiencing a sore throat and lost his voice. Boy, the good news doesn't stop for Barack Obama. Just one lucky break after another." -Jay Leno

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"Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it's not true. In fact his exact words were 'I did not have textual relations with that woman.'" -Jay Leno

Ten Quotes on Failure

I can't get over the fact that the Philippine Team to the 2008 Beijing Olympics failed to bag any medal. Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is reportedly “not happy,” too, over our medal shutout in the recently-concluded Olympic games.

And why not? Look, Michael Phelps is not even a team, much less a country, but he was able to haul eight gold medals on his own! Ok, so you think I'm being unfair? Let me point you to desolate Afghanistan, which was able to win it's first ever Olympic gold medal!

I know that Filipino-Chinese 24-year-old Willy Wang won the gold for Wushu. But Wushu is only an exhibition or demonstration sport in the Olympics, so any medal won in the sport do not count in the official medal tally.

Are there lessons to be learned from our FAILURE? Let's see what we can from these quotations:

My reputation grows with every failure. –George Bernard Shaw

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Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. –James Russell Lowell

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Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes. –John Dewey

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You won't skid if you stay in a rut. –Kin Hubbard

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There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought. –Laurence J. Peter

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Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. –Oscar Wilde

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Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied. –Pearl S. Buck

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Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. –Robert F. Kennedy

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It is a mistake to suppose that men succeed through success; they much oftener succeed through failures. Precept, study, advice, and example could never have taught them so well as failure has done. –Samuel Smiles

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We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery. –Samuel Smiles