Quotes From "Why Men Marry"

The Wedding Month has kicked in so I thought I should feature a book that carries that theme. Fortunately, I have one such book by A.T. Langford with an interesting sidelight. I bought this one not for myself, for I was already a father of three young men then, but for a bachelor friend whom I was trying to convince to settle down. I was running out of arguments so I thought a more authoritative source should carry some weight.

I wanted to give this book on his 40th birthday, which was just a matter of days after I bought this volume, but failed to do so because he unexpectedly took off for the States for a month. When he came back, I decided not to give the gift anymore because it was too anti-climactic and obviously too late. So I still have it on my bookshelf, waiting for Godot.

I will deviate from my usual format of presenting the quotes according to topic. The reason is that in this book, the lesson or main point of each section has been digested or summarized by the author in the form of so-called “Mindset”. These are what I reproduce here:

MINDSETS

“Men most frequently meet women through friends, work, and at parties.”

* * *

“Men prefer independent women.”

* * *

“Unmarried men often cite rejection by the woman of their dreams as a reason for their single state.”

* * *

“Men view living together as a step toward marriage, but say if after two years marriage is not mentioned, a woman should move on.”

* * *

“Men test women by introducing them to their family and friends and by asking lots of questions or creating situations then judging her responses.”

* * *

“When women decide to leave a relationship men will suddenly focus on their true feelings.”

* * *

“Men define themselves more by the work they do than by their marital status.”



* * *

“Nurturing placed third in men’s expectations of their marriage roles after equal partner and breadwinner.”

* * *

“Men in their late 30s and early 40s feel pressured to marry.”

* * *

“Women aren’t the only ones whose biological clocks tick.”

* * *

“Men are more interested in having children than women realize.”

* * *

“His parents’ marriage—whether good or bad—affects a man’s outlook.”

* * *

“Men joke about wanting to marry a rich woman, but when the opportunity presents itself, they rarely take advantage of it.”

* * *

“Men say they do not expect marriage to redress family dynamics or environment.”

* * *

“Men are leery of a woman who has been married more than once; they want to know why.”

* * *

“Men cited personal ads (in magazines, in newspapers, and on the Net) as the fourth way they meet women.”

* * *

“Men say that dating women with children (preferably not adolescents) does not pose a major problem.”

* * *

“Even hardened bachelors hate to date.”

* * *
“Men want a relationship first; marriage is a natural progression.”

* * *

“Men admire people who have been married a long time”.

* * *

“Religion, while important, is not the full measure of a woman—her values matter more.”

* * *

“Men are leery of marriage after divorce; but most remarry after two years.”

* * *

“Men think sex is important, but only as part of a constellation of other factors.”

* * *

“For many men, dating women from another race raises a question mark.”

* * *

“Men prefer talkig to women; they’re more open emotionally and less competitive than men.”

* * *

“Men feel they must be financially secure before they marry.”

* * *

“Men don’t take women met in bars seriously.”

* * *

“Men worry about growing old alone.”

* * *

“Men don’t like women who smoke.”

* * *

“When considering marriage again, men talk to their children and are mindful of their observations.”

* * *
“Men rated intelligence high on their most wanted list.”

* * *

“Men look for women who possess their mother’s positive attributes, and try to stay away from those who remind them of her negative ones.”

* * *

“Couples make unmarried men feel left out.”

* * *

“A woman who’s put on a few pounds is fine; but add another twenty and men start to worry.”

* * *

“Men are put off by women who are too good-looking.”

* * *

“Men feel more comfortable getting to know women on a less formal basis.”

* * *

“Dating an ‘older’ woman (up to five years) does not pose a problem.”

* * *

“Men think women view marriage in a more romantic and storybooklike way than they do.”

* * *

“Men have marriage fantasies.”

* * *

“Dating women from a different background poses no problem for men.”

* * *

“Men resent being thought of only as marriage objects.”

* * *

“After three dates, when a man calls you for a fourth, you’re in the running.”

* * *
“Men see nothing innately flawed about the institution of marriage.”

--A.T. Langford

More One-liners From "Jacob's Journey"

I bought "Jacob's Journey" in September 1995 -- a year of changes, transition and adjustment in my personal life. My father passed away in February of that year. I also reluctantly left my corporate planning work to enter the brave new world of investment banking around July of that same year. It is no wonder then that when I randomly picked up a copy of Noah ben Shea's book at National and read the sub-title on its cover, I knew I had to pay for it right away. The sub-title reads: "Wisdom to Find the Way, Strength to Carry On". Allow me to share with you what quotations I highlighted in this book because of the wisdom and inspiration I was trying to draw from it at that point in time in my life:

On living one's Life:

"Hope for the best and make peace with the rest."

On Patience:

"Patience is the shortest route on a long journey."

On Kindness:

"It is wiser to be kind than to be wise."

On Parents:

"Some parents love knowing. Others know love."

On Growing Old:

" 'Growing old' is a contradiction in terms."

On Work and Love:

"There is only work and love in life...If we are fortunate, we love our work. If we are wise, we are willing to work at love."

On Life:

"Life is a gift...Open yours."

On Fear:

"Fear makes us not only less than we might be but less than we think we are."

On being Alone:

"A man who is alone with himself is not without company."

On Success:

" Have you ever met a man whose success is not also a burden?"

On what is Valuable:

"The way to discover what is of value in life is by taking the time to treasure the moments."

On Relationships:

"A relationship is not a way for us to exhibit our strength but to find our balance."

On Children:

"...your children are a gift to you, and only expectation can find disappointment in gifts that have not yet been opened."

On Journeys:

"Wherever a man stops on his journey, the first person he meets is himself."

On Wisdom:

"Wisdom arrives when we are willing to journey to our ignorance."

On Lies:

"In the seed of a lie is a forest of deceit."

On Self:

"Only when we place too much importance on who we are do we misplace our self."

On Problems:

"Often in life, the solution to our problems comes not so much from what we start doing but from what we stop doing."

On Age:

"Age is not the mark of time but how we mark our time."

On Friends:

"A friend is someone who allows you distance but is never far away."


--Noah ben Shea