Trivia: Knowing People

Is it true that people who are the most worth knowing are the hardest to get to know?

Studies at Purdue University found the opposite to be true. The investigation showed that people who are the most difficult to get to know, or who don't like to reveal their true selves to another person, tend to be conflict-ridden, unhappy with themselves, and incapable of a really rewarding relationship with any other human being. They wear a mask, or public self, and they are quick to resent it when any one shows enough interest to probe more deeply to find out what they are really like.

The same studies showed that happy people, who had few conflicts, showed no tendency to hide their real selves behind surface appearances or affectations. They were the same all the way through, liked being known and understood by others, and enjoyed cultivating close relationships with people they were attracted to.

Source: Alfredo M. Tengco (ed.), "Nuggets and Grin Tonics" (Book 1)

(Photo courtesy of www.stockxpert.com)

Quotes From "Why Men Marry"

The Wedding Month has kicked in so I thought I should feature a book that carries that theme. Fortunately, I have one such book by A.T. Langford with an interesting sidelight. I bought this one not for myself, for I was already a father of three young men then, but for a bachelor friend whom I was trying to convince to settle down. I was running out of arguments so I thought a more authoritative source should carry some weight.

I wanted to give this book on his 40th birthday, which was just a matter of days after I bought this volume, but failed to do so because he unexpectedly took off for the States for a month. When he came back, I decided not to give the gift anymore because it was too anti-climactic and obviously too late. So I still have it on my bookshelf, waiting for Godot.

I will deviate from my usual format of presenting the quotes according to topic. The reason is that in this book, the lesson or main point of each section has been digested or summarized by the author in the form of so-called “Mindset”. These are what I reproduce here:

MINDSETS

“Men most frequently meet women through friends, work, and at parties.”

* * *

“Men prefer independent women.”

* * *

“Unmarried men often cite rejection by the woman of their dreams as a reason for their single state.”

* * *

“Men view living together as a step toward marriage, but say if after two years marriage is not mentioned, a woman should move on.”

* * *

“Men test women by introducing them to their family and friends and by asking lots of questions or creating situations then judging her responses.”

* * *

“When women decide to leave a relationship men will suddenly focus on their true feelings.”

* * *

“Men define themselves more by the work they do than by their marital status.”



* * *

“Nurturing placed third in men’s expectations of their marriage roles after equal partner and breadwinner.”

* * *

“Men in their late 30s and early 40s feel pressured to marry.”

* * *

“Women aren’t the only ones whose biological clocks tick.”

* * *

“Men are more interested in having children than women realize.”

* * *

“His parents’ marriage—whether good or bad—affects a man’s outlook.”

* * *

“Men joke about wanting to marry a rich woman, but when the opportunity presents itself, they rarely take advantage of it.”

* * *

“Men say they do not expect marriage to redress family dynamics or environment.”

* * *

“Men are leery of a woman who has been married more than once; they want to know why.”

* * *

“Men cited personal ads (in magazines, in newspapers, and on the Net) as the fourth way they meet women.”

* * *

“Men say that dating women with children (preferably not adolescents) does not pose a major problem.”

* * *

“Even hardened bachelors hate to date.”

* * *
“Men want a relationship first; marriage is a natural progression.”

* * *

“Men admire people who have been married a long time”.

* * *

“Religion, while important, is not the full measure of a woman—her values matter more.”

* * *

“Men are leery of marriage after divorce; but most remarry after two years.”

* * *

“Men think sex is important, but only as part of a constellation of other factors.”

* * *

“For many men, dating women from another race raises a question mark.”

* * *

“Men prefer talkig to women; they’re more open emotionally and less competitive than men.”

* * *

“Men feel they must be financially secure before they marry.”

* * *

“Men don’t take women met in bars seriously.”

* * *

“Men worry about growing old alone.”

* * *

“Men don’t like women who smoke.”

* * *

“When considering marriage again, men talk to their children and are mindful of their observations.”

* * *
“Men rated intelligence high on their most wanted list.”

* * *

“Men look for women who possess their mother’s positive attributes, and try to stay away from those who remind them of her negative ones.”

* * *

“Couples make unmarried men feel left out.”

* * *

“A woman who’s put on a few pounds is fine; but add another twenty and men start to worry.”

* * *

“Men are put off by women who are too good-looking.”

* * *

“Men feel more comfortable getting to know women on a less formal basis.”

* * *

“Dating an ‘older’ woman (up to five years) does not pose a problem.”

* * *

“Men think women view marriage in a more romantic and storybooklike way than they do.”

* * *

“Men have marriage fantasies.”

* * *

“Dating women from a different background poses no problem for men.”

* * *

“Men resent being thought of only as marriage objects.”

* * *

“After three dates, when a man calls you for a fourth, you’re in the running.”

* * *
“Men see nothing innately flawed about the institution of marriage.”

--A.T. Langford

Quotes From "Tuesdays With Morrie"

Mitch Albom's international bestseller "Tuesdays with Morrie" is a must-read book for anyone interested in life's lessons. I bought my copy right after New Year 2001 as I contemplated early retirement after 27 years of employment. My actual early retirement came a year later. By that time, I felt psychologically prepared just to fade away and sail into the sunset. Later events, however, proved that that was not yet meant to be. But then, that's another story altogether. Meantime, enjoy the following passages, attributed by the author to Morrie Schwartz, which I liked in this book:

On Culture:

"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it." (p.42)

* * *

"People are only mean when they're threatened, and that's what our culture does...And when you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself. You start making money a god. It is all part of this culture." (p.42)

On Tension of Opposites:

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else." (p.40)

* * *

"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle." (p.40)

On Love:

"Love wins. Love always wins." (p.40)

* * *

"Love each other or die." (p.163)

On Forgiveness:

"Forgive yourself before you die. Then forgive others." (p.164)

* * *

"We...need to forgive ourselves...For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done. You can't get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened." (p.166)

On Getting Meaning into Life:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." (p.43)

On Most Important Thing in Life:

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." (p.52)

On Trust:

"...if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too--even when you're in the dark." (p.61)

On Friendship:

"...we've had thirty-five years of friendship. You don't need speech or hearing to feel that." (p.71)

On Death and Ambition:

"...the truth is...if you accept that you can die at any time--then you might not be as ambitious as you are." (p.83)

On Family:

"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family." (p.91)

* * *

"If you don't have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all. Love is so supremely important." (p.91)

On Having Children:

"There is no experience like having children...If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children." (p.93)

On Material Things:

"Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent." (p.103)

* * *

"You can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship." (p.125)

On Emotions:

"If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid." (p.104)

On Dying and Living:

"When you learn how to die, you learn how to live." (p.104)

* * *

"Don't let go too soon but, but don't hang on too long." (p.162)

On Being a Child:

"We all know how to be a child. It's inside all of us. For me, it's just remembering how to enjoy it." (p.116)

On Youth:

"...I know what a misery being young can be, so don't tell me it's so great." (p.117)

* * *

"...in addition to all the miseries, the young are not wise. They have very little understanding about life." (p.118)

On Aging:

"Aging is ot just decay...It's growth." (p.118)

* * *

"If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow." (p.118,119)

* * *

"You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And, age is not a competitive issue." (p.120)

* * *

"How can I be envious of where you are--when I've been there myself." (p.121)

On Money and Power:

"Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness." (p.125)

On Status and Showing Off:

"...if you're trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down on you anyhow. And if you're trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone." (p.127)

On Immortality:

"...love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone." (p.133)

On Marriage:

"I've learned this much about marriage. You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don't." (p.149)

* * *

"...there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike." (p.149)

* * *

"I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're missing a hell of a lot if you don't try it." (p.149)

On Shortsightedness:

"...no matter where you live, the biggest defect we human beings have is our shortsightedness. We don't see what we could be. We should be looking at our potential, stretching ourselves into everything we can be come." (p.156)

On Needing Others:

"In the beginning of life, when we were infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right? But here's the secret: in between, we need others as well." (p.157)

On Being Number Two:

"What's wrong with being number two?" (p.159)

On the Important Questions:

"As I see it, they have to do with love, responsibility, spirituality, awareness." (p.175)

On Death :

"Death ends a life, not a relationship." (p.174)

On Relationships:

"There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like." (p.177,178)

-Mitch Albom

Quotes From "The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire"...Last Part

On Emotions:

"Emotions are just recycled energy."

* * *

"Emotions are never created in isolation; they always come about because of some interaction with the eviroment. In the absence of circumstances or relationships, there is no emotion."

* * *

"Each emotion is dependent on the context, circumstances, relationships that defie your reality at that moment."

On Genius :

"This is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp the knowable even when no one else recognizes that it is present."

On Personality :

"Personality gets created through selective identification with situations and through relationships."

On Soul :

"The soul is the observer who interprets and makes choices based on karma; it is also a confluence of relationships, out of which contexts and meaning, and it is this flow of context and meaning that creates experience."

* * *

"Your soul is the part of you that is universal ad individual at the same time, and it is a reflection of all other souls."

On Intention :

"Everything that happens in the universe starts with intentions."

* * *

"All learning, remembering, reasoning, drawing of inferences, and motor activity are preceded by intent. Intent is the very basis of creation."

* * *

"Our destiny ultimately comes from the deepest level of desire and also from the deepest level of intention."

* * *

"When intention is repeated that creates habit. The more an intention is repeated, the more likely it is that the universal consciousness will create the same pattern and manifest the intention i the physical world."

* * *

"Intention orchestrates infinite possibilities."

* * *

"Intent creates coincidences; it is the reason why when you're thinking of something, it happens."

* * *

"We can restore the power of intent through a return to the true self, or self-actualization."

On Good Luck :

"Good luck is opportunity and preparedness coming together."

On Life :

"...life is the ultimate mystery."

* * *

"What makes life mysterious is that our destiny seems hidden from us, and only at the end of our lives will we be in a position to look back and see the path we followed."

--Deepak Chopra

Quotes From "Soul Mates, Karma & Reincarnation"...Part 1

This book by Jaime T. Lichauco, a local author who is considered a foremost authority on esoteric topics, is one of several in my collection dealing with soulmates, karma and reincarnation. As it is my habit to date my books as I acquire them, I can see that this copy has been in my personal library for 10 years now! Since I usually buy books to help me answer questions that preoccupied my mind at that point in time, this means that soul mates, karma and reincarnation were the topics that were "bothering" me around 1997. Now, what was I doing in 1997 and why was I intrigued about these things? Anyway, whatever the answer to that is, these are the quotations which caught my interest in this book.

On Soul Mates:

"One never consciously seeks out one's soul mate...The soul mate finds you. He or she merely appears in one's life when the right time and circumstances come."

* * *

"When soul mates meet, there is from the very beginning instant recognition of each other stemming from the very core of their beings, and this recognition has an aura of certainty that defies logic. This is commonly called 'love at first sight'."

* * *
"Soul mate relationships can never be one-sided, for the two meet because they are mutually attracted to each other in this incarnation from the highest levels of their consciousness. If they did not attract each other, they would never have met in this lifetime."

* * *

"A soul mate encounter brings about a stirring of soul memory and one recognizes a soul mate intuitively from the very recesses of the soul."

* * *

"When it's time for souls to meet, there's nothing on earth that can prevent them from meeting, no matter where each may be located on planet Earth."

* * *

"A soul mate encounter is spiritually uplifting."

* * *

"There can only be one soul mate for each person because only one individual can be a perfect partner at all levels of his or her being and only one individual (which is the other half) who can share exactly the same pattern of soul evolution and destiny."

* * *

"Karmic partners are often mistaken for soul mates because some karmic encounters are very strong or powerful."

* * *

"Soul mates may or may not be partners in life, legally speaking. And more often than not, they may not be married to each other. That is, perhaps, the reason why so many marriages flounder."

* * *

"We must realize that we seldom meet a person by accident. Almost everyone we meet in this lifetime is an old acquaintance we met in a distant past."

* * *

"A meaningful encounter between two individuals is always karmic in character. Deep frienships are of the same category. Parent and child, boss and subordinate, and sweetheart relationships are also karmic."

* * *

"Those who have multiple meaningful partners (i.e. several wives or husbands) may have several karmic debts with various individuals."

* * *

"A true soul mate encounter has no ifs or buts."


--Jaime T. Lichauco

More One-liners From "Jacob's Journey"

I bought "Jacob's Journey" in September 1995 -- a year of changes, transition and adjustment in my personal life. My father passed away in February of that year. I also reluctantly left my corporate planning work to enter the brave new world of investment banking around July of that same year. It is no wonder then that when I randomly picked up a copy of Noah ben Shea's book at National and read the sub-title on its cover, I knew I had to pay for it right away. The sub-title reads: "Wisdom to Find the Way, Strength to Carry On". Allow me to share with you what quotations I highlighted in this book because of the wisdom and inspiration I was trying to draw from it at that point in time in my life:

On living one's Life:

"Hope for the best and make peace with the rest."

On Patience:

"Patience is the shortest route on a long journey."

On Kindness:

"It is wiser to be kind than to be wise."

On Parents:

"Some parents love knowing. Others know love."

On Growing Old:

" 'Growing old' is a contradiction in terms."

On Work and Love:

"There is only work and love in life...If we are fortunate, we love our work. If we are wise, we are willing to work at love."

On Life:

"Life is a gift...Open yours."

On Fear:

"Fear makes us not only less than we might be but less than we think we are."

On being Alone:

"A man who is alone with himself is not without company."

On Success:

" Have you ever met a man whose success is not also a burden?"

On what is Valuable:

"The way to discover what is of value in life is by taking the time to treasure the moments."

On Relationships:

"A relationship is not a way for us to exhibit our strength but to find our balance."

On Children:

"...your children are a gift to you, and only expectation can find disappointment in gifts that have not yet been opened."

On Journeys:

"Wherever a man stops on his journey, the first person he meets is himself."

On Wisdom:

"Wisdom arrives when we are willing to journey to our ignorance."

On Lies:

"In the seed of a lie is a forest of deceit."

On Self:

"Only when we place too much importance on who we are do we misplace our self."

On Problems:

"Often in life, the solution to our problems comes not so much from what we start doing but from what we stop doing."

On Age:

"Age is not the mark of time but how we mark our time."

On Friends:

"A friend is someone who allows you distance but is never far away."


--Noah ben Shea