Quotes From "Why Men Marry"

The Wedding Month has kicked in so I thought I should feature a book that carries that theme. Fortunately, I have one such book by A.T. Langford with an interesting sidelight. I bought this one not for myself, for I was already a father of three young men then, but for a bachelor friend whom I was trying to convince to settle down. I was running out of arguments so I thought a more authoritative source should carry some weight.

I wanted to give this book on his 40th birthday, which was just a matter of days after I bought this volume, but failed to do so because he unexpectedly took off for the States for a month. When he came back, I decided not to give the gift anymore because it was too anti-climactic and obviously too late. So I still have it on my bookshelf, waiting for Godot.

I will deviate from my usual format of presenting the quotes according to topic. The reason is that in this book, the lesson or main point of each section has been digested or summarized by the author in the form of so-called “Mindset”. These are what I reproduce here:

MINDSETS

“Men most frequently meet women through friends, work, and at parties.”

* * *

“Men prefer independent women.”

* * *

“Unmarried men often cite rejection by the woman of their dreams as a reason for their single state.”

* * *

“Men view living together as a step toward marriage, but say if after two years marriage is not mentioned, a woman should move on.”

* * *

“Men test women by introducing them to their family and friends and by asking lots of questions or creating situations then judging her responses.”

* * *

“When women decide to leave a relationship men will suddenly focus on their true feelings.”

* * *

“Men define themselves more by the work they do than by their marital status.”



* * *

“Nurturing placed third in men’s expectations of their marriage roles after equal partner and breadwinner.”

* * *

“Men in their late 30s and early 40s feel pressured to marry.”

* * *

“Women aren’t the only ones whose biological clocks tick.”

* * *

“Men are more interested in having children than women realize.”

* * *

“His parents’ marriage—whether good or bad—affects a man’s outlook.”

* * *

“Men joke about wanting to marry a rich woman, but when the opportunity presents itself, they rarely take advantage of it.”

* * *

“Men say they do not expect marriage to redress family dynamics or environment.”

* * *

“Men are leery of a woman who has been married more than once; they want to know why.”

* * *

“Men cited personal ads (in magazines, in newspapers, and on the Net) as the fourth way they meet women.”

* * *

“Men say that dating women with children (preferably not adolescents) does not pose a major problem.”

* * *

“Even hardened bachelors hate to date.”

* * *
“Men want a relationship first; marriage is a natural progression.”

* * *

“Men admire people who have been married a long time”.

* * *

“Religion, while important, is not the full measure of a woman—her values matter more.”

* * *

“Men are leery of marriage after divorce; but most remarry after two years.”

* * *

“Men think sex is important, but only as part of a constellation of other factors.”

* * *

“For many men, dating women from another race raises a question mark.”

* * *

“Men prefer talkig to women; they’re more open emotionally and less competitive than men.”

* * *

“Men feel they must be financially secure before they marry.”

* * *

“Men don’t take women met in bars seriously.”

* * *

“Men worry about growing old alone.”

* * *

“Men don’t like women who smoke.”

* * *

“When considering marriage again, men talk to their children and are mindful of their observations.”

* * *
“Men rated intelligence high on their most wanted list.”

* * *

“Men look for women who possess their mother’s positive attributes, and try to stay away from those who remind them of her negative ones.”

* * *

“Couples make unmarried men feel left out.”

* * *

“A woman who’s put on a few pounds is fine; but add another twenty and men start to worry.”

* * *

“Men are put off by women who are too good-looking.”

* * *

“Men feel more comfortable getting to know women on a less formal basis.”

* * *

“Dating an ‘older’ woman (up to five years) does not pose a problem.”

* * *

“Men think women view marriage in a more romantic and storybooklike way than they do.”

* * *

“Men have marriage fantasies.”

* * *

“Dating women from a different background poses no problem for men.”

* * *

“Men resent being thought of only as marriage objects.”

* * *

“After three dates, when a man calls you for a fourth, you’re in the running.”

* * *
“Men see nothing innately flawed about the institution of marriage.”

--A.T. Langford

Quotes From "The Choice"

The mid-80s was a particularly difficult period for me. I was then a young father of three small boys faced with problems about getting for them the best early education I could afford as a junior bank officer. The really good schools were quite far from where we lived, so we were forced by circumstances to uproot ourselves just so we could reside nearer these schools. It was a costly decision, to say the least. This was also a time when my bank was hit by financial losses big time so much so that it had to be bailed out by government. And as part of the bail-out plan, the bank implemented a retrenchment program with an attractive financial package.

I was mulling over this retrenchment package when I came upon this Og Mandino book. As you can see, the title is a teaser. I was attracted by the title and was hoping then that I could find the wisdom and inspiration here that I so badly needed at that time. Tonight, as I skimmed through the book to check the passages that I marked, I was struck by a number of interesting parallels (not really exact coincidences) between Mark Christopher's (the book's main character) personal circumstances and my recent predicament--something not obtaining at the time I bought the book. With the passage of time, life seems to have caught up with art, or so it appears to me. Maybe it's just my imagination. Maybe I'm just ...uhm...oh, forget it. Here goes my favorite passages:

On Choices:

"Every day all of us make hundreds of choices, most of them so menial and habitual that they are almost as automatic as breathing."

On Lack of Direction:

"Since so many don't know where they are, or where they're going, they are always struggling merely to survive, always on the razor's edge of disaster, forever on the defensive. When one must live that way, one's options are limited."

On Absentee Fathers:

"What they have is a money-machine that drops in now and then, change its clothes, and leaves again."

On Living Life:

"I'm going to drop this silly rat race I've managed to get myself into, count the blessings I already have, and let the rest of you keep running in your non-stop marathon to the rainbow."

On Time:

"The passing of time usually dulls the memories of our saddest moments..."

On Which Way to Go:

"...when one's avenue of retreat is cut off there is only one way to go--forward."

On New Books:

"A new book is very much like a child. Sooner or later it must go out into the world and succeed or fail on its own, leaving behind one or two loving people filled with concern and guilt and wondering if they had truly done all they could to prepare their issue for the cruel marketplace of life."

On Christopher:

"...the word Christopher means Christ-bearer."

On Road of Life:

"...all of us...start out on this uncertain road of life with a dream, an ambition, a goal. A fortunate few manage to survive all the hazards, roadblocks, and potholes along the way to reach their objectives. Most of us, however, get sidetracked on our journey and stumble through our alloted years with our hopes and dreams eventually fading from our memory."

On Legacy:

"I am convinced that the greatest legacy we can leave our children are happy memories: those precious moments so much like pebbles on the beach that are plucked from the white sand and placed in tiny boxes that lay undisturbed on tall shelves until one day they spill out and time repeats itself, with joy and sweet sadness, in the child now an adult."

On Vanity:

"Vanity is an almost incurable disease..."

On Human Race:

I don't know if the human race is worth saving, and fortunately, I don't have to make that decision."

On Man:

"Man is the only animal that blushes and laughs, and yet this creature, who can be so tender and loving , is the only living thing that constantly preyson its own species."

On Failure:

"Those who live in unhappy failure have never exercised their options for the better things of life because they have never been aware that they had any choices!"

On Work:

"So any of us count the hours of work as slavery."

--Og Mandino