Banking Jokes

MARTIN BOWEN, president of the Fort Worth First City National Bank, was seen standing in front of the automatic teller in the lobby one day while it performed a transaction rather slowly. After a brief wait, Bowen was heard to say, "Come on — it's me!"

* * *

ONE day a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account." I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day." He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tiptoed out.

* * *

IT WAS the usual busy day at the bank where I work. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried-looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account?" Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "You have to move."

* * *

WHILE waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened.The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check."Why not?" my friend asked incredulously."I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000.""It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!""Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."

Source: www.becquet.com

Joke: Three Girlfriends

There was an investment banker who had three girlfriends, but he didn't know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the investor, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."


The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and then decided. QUESTION: Who did the investor marry? ANSWER: (from right to left) !stit tseggib eht htiw eno ehT

Source: www.greekshares.com

Science and Technology Trivia from Clipmarks.com

I love trivia and interesting facts. See if you'll find these interesting, too.

clipped from home.bitworks.co.nz Science and Technology Joseph and Etienne Montigolfier, inventers of the hot air balloon, first believed that their balloon didn't rise due to hot air but an invisible gas given off by fire. They named it Montigolfier Gas. The early personal computer, the Sinclair ZX80, had 1 kilobyte of internal memory. Joseph Swan invented a light bulb in 1879, one year before Thomas Edison. But Swan didn't patent his idea and was accused of copying by Edison ( who did patent the idea and is therefore recognised as the inventor ) until it was shown both bulbs were produced in different processes. They then formed a joint company using the best of both technologies. The bicycle was first introduced to British roads in 1888, but the rider had to ring a bell continuously to warn others of their approach. The Dotmatrix printer was developed for the 1964 Tokyo Olympic Games by the Japanese company Seiko. The fluorescent tube uses 20% of the power to produce an equal amount of light as a tungsten filament bulb.

Quotes from Clipmarks.com

clipped from http://www.didyouknow.cd/quotes/quotes2.htm Witty Quotes Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves. - Winston Churchill The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. - George Bernard Shaw Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. - Slovenian proverb Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it. - Elias Schwartz Everything you can imagine is real. - Picasso Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. - W. Edwards Deming A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Winston Churchill No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. - Abraham Lincoln Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. - Malcolm S. Forbes

YouTube Video: Carl Sagan's "A Thousand Years of Darkness"

I'd like to share this great educational video from the late Carl Sagan.

clipped from www.youtube.com Carl Sagan - A thousand years of darkness

Joke: Money and Brains

Julius Rosenwald, the Chicago multi-millionaire, who once said, "I never could understand the popular belief that because a man makes a lot of money he has a lot of brains"--was fond of telling the following story:

A certain man won a million dollars on number 14. When asked how he had figured it out, he said: "I had a dream. One night I saw in my dream a great big 9, and next I saw a 6, so I used my brains and figured that 9 and 6 is 14."

Source: Edmund Fuller (ed.), "2500 Anecdotes for All Occasions."

Trivia: Knowing People

Is it true that people who are the most worth knowing are the hardest to get to know?

Studies at Purdue University found the opposite to be true. The investigation showed that people who are the most difficult to get to know, or who don't like to reveal their true selves to another person, tend to be conflict-ridden, unhappy with themselves, and incapable of a really rewarding relationship with any other human being. They wear a mask, or public self, and they are quick to resent it when any one shows enough interest to probe more deeply to find out what they are really like.

The same studies showed that happy people, who had few conflicts, showed no tendency to hide their real selves behind surface appearances or affectations. They were the same all the way through, liked being known and understood by others, and enjoyed cultivating close relationships with people they were attracted to.

Source: Alfredo M. Tengco (ed.), "Nuggets and Grin Tonics" (Book 1)

(Photo courtesy of www.stockxpert.com)

Joke: Greedy Godson

A young building contractor had just gone into business, and to give him a good start, his wealthy godfather asked him to build a mansion. "Here are the plans," said the godfather, "and don't skimp on anything. Forget the cost. I want the very best materials used."

The greedy godson wasn't satisfied with this generous gesture and instead of employing top-grade labor and buying the finest materials, he shortchanged his benefactor in every possible way. Finally the last secondhand nail had been driven into the last flimsy wall, and the young man handed over the keys and bills totalling several million pesos to his godfather.

The godfather promptly wrote out a check and handed the keys back to the young builder. "That house yu just built, my boy," he said, "is my present to you. It's all yours. May you live in it in happiness for the rest of your life."

Source: Alfredo M. Tengco (ed.), "Nuggets and Grin Tonics" (Book 1)

(Royalty-free picture courtesy of www.stockxpert.com)

A Few Words on Life from Pablo Casals

Since I have just been through a period of reflection which resulted in my reinvention of this blog, this anecdote from an anonymous source which was emailed to me by a friend many years ago seem apropriate. Let me share this story with you:

A man should become all that he is created capable of being.

Think of the example of Pablo Casals, the small town boy who
became world famous as a musician. At four he sang Gregorian chants in the
parish church, at six he studied the piano and the organ and wrote music, at
seven he began to study the violin, at 11 he took up the cello...and so on, step
by step, until at 90, he conducted performances at three major symphonies, the
recordings of which are giving world-wide pleasure.

Whenhe was 83 years old, Casals was asked why he continued to practice four
and five hours every day. Casals gave this reason: "Because I think I am making
progress."

All that is expected of each of us--is that we will make the best use of
things that are within our power.

I think blogging is within my power, so here I am. Good day to all...

Bushisms Video...Episode 2

Here's another YouTube video clip from the recently concluded OPEC....opppsss....APEC meeting in Australia. See Bushisms in action again here. Really big time fumble in this one.

Bushisms Video

To mark the significant break of this blog from its heretofore staid past, I upgraded its template design from David Bowman's generic "Minima" to this so-called "Snapshot Sable", a creation by David Shea. I am also embedding this YouTube video on Bushisms for your viewing pleasure. From here on, I will post jokes, trivia and other interesting video clips falling under the category of either quotes, jokes, funny anecdotes or trivia.