Quotes from "The International Rules of Manhood"

I'd like to share with you excerpts from a blog wittily written by George Moneo in www.babalublog.com, entitled "The International Rules of Manhood". Here are the rules of manhood that put a smile on my face:

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

Rule 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

Rule 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

Rule 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

Rule 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Rule 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

Rule 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

Rule 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

Rule 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Rule 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

(The royalty-free photo shown above courtesy of www.sxc.hu)

Ten Quotes on Success

I received a pat on the back today after a successful presentation, which brought the project I've been working on since August this year just one step shy from final approval. I hope to get it tomorrow with one more presentation.

Musing on how things seem easier now to achieve compared to how it was in my younger years, I cannot help but ruminate that my success today didn't really come easy. I selected these ten quotes on success because each one of these speak a great truth in my career life.

Did success come easy for you or are you like me? See if you can identify with these quotes:

"Actually, I'm an overnight success. But it took twenty years." -Monty Hall

* * *

"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." -Sir Winston Churchill

* * *

"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom." -General George S. Patton

* * *

"Eighty percent of success is showing up." -Woody Allen

* * *

"You will find the key to success under the alarm clock." -Benjamin Franklin

* * *

"It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final." -Roger Babson

* * *

"Real success finding your lifework in the work that you love." -David McCullough

* * *

"Men are born to succeed, not fail." -Henry David Thoreau

* * *

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy looking for it." -Henry David Thoreau

* * *

"Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life." -Dr. David M. Burns

Ten Quotes on Hope

In my previous post, I shared with you the quotes I was able to collect on health to provide me with the needed perspective and wisdom on my current predicament. Today, I share with you the quotes that I collected to cheer me up and give me hope. Hope you also like these hope quotes (forgive the pun). You might need them someday. Who knows?

"He, who has health, has hope; and he who has hope has everything." -Arabian Proverb

* * *

"True hope is swift, and flies with swallow's wings;
Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings." -William Shakespeare

* * *

"He who does not hope to win has already lost." -Jose Joaquin Olmedo

* * *

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." -Martin Luther

* * *

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come." -Anne Lamott

* * *

"“Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.” -Lyn Yutang

* * *

"Hope is a waking dream." -Aristotle

* * *

"While there's life, there's hope." -Cicero

* * *

"Hope is only the love of life." -Henri-Frederic Amiel

* * *

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches on the soul.
And sings the tune,
Without the words,
And never stops at all." -Emily Dickenson

(Thanks to www.sxc.hu for the royalty-free photo shown above)

Quotes on Health

Health was a big issue in my life in May 2006 so I had to go under the knife. Since then, I have recovered the 30 lbs. I lost as a result of that problem. However, my recent regular check-up turned up with another "red flag". I saw a radiologist yesterday at the instance of my doctor. Things are still up in the air, and I will have to wait until that radiologist and my doctor have had time to discuss my new problem before they can tell me the next steps. Although I have not mentioned any specific detail about my problem, I'm sure you get the drift that my new problem is sort of life-threatening. Well, they haven't told me either; that's just my "feel". I would know more perhaps this weekend when I see my doctor again. Meantime, why don't I share with you some nice health quotes which I collected for my own consumption:

"If you trust Google more than your doctor then maybe it's time to switch doctors." -
Jadelr and Cristina Cordova, Chasing Windmills, 08-21-06

* * *

"As I see it, every day you do one of two things: build health or produce disease in yourself." -Adelle Davis

* * *

"Every patient carries her or his own doctor inside." -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

* * *

"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory." -Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

* * *

"Health is not valued till sickness comes." -Dr. Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734), Gnomologia, 1732

* * *


"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease." -George Dennison Prentice

* * *

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates (460 BC - 377 BC), Regimen in Health

* * *

"Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God and value it next to conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of, a blessing money can't buy." -Izaak Walton (1593 - 1683)

* * *

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." -Jackie Mason (1934 - )

* * *

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." -Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

* * *

"Pain (any pain--emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: 'We would be more alive if we did more of this," and, "Life would be more lovely if we did less of that.' Once we get the pain's message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away." -Peter McWilliams, Life 101

* * *

"The more severe the pain or illness, the more severe will be the necessary changes. These may involve breaking bad habits, or acquiring some new and better ones." -Peter McWilliams, Life 101

* * *

"One of the most sublime experiences we can ever have is to wake up feeling healthy after we have been sick." -Rabbi Harold Kushner

* * *

"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." -Redd Foxx (1922 - 1991)

* * *

"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." -Robert Orben

Source: QuotationsPage.com

(Thanks to www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov for the use of the above photo)

Ten Witty Quotes

To prophesy is extremely difficult - especially with regard to the future.
- Chinese proverb

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
- Shakespeare

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger

It is not the horse that draws the cart, but the oats.
- Russian proverb

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns

All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it.
- Samuel Butler

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
- Bob Wells

The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.
- Albert Einstein

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
- Albert Einstein

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
- Bob Edwards


Source: DidYouKnow.cd

Nine Laws of the Universe Discovered By Humans

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.


Source: Ancienthomeofdragon.homestead.com

Ten Quotes on Money

"Do not be fooled into believing that because a man is rich he is necessarily smart. There is ample proof to the contrary." -Julius Rosenwald (1862 - 1932)

* * *

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." -J. Paul Getty (1892 - 1976)

* * *

"Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil." -Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754)

* * *

"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody." -Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

* * *

"A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart." -Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)

* * *

"Endless money forms the sinews of war." -Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC), Philippics

* * *

"One must be poor to know the luxury of giving." -George Eliot (1819 - 1880)

* * *

"Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game." -Donald Trump (1946 - ), "Trump: Art of the Deal"

* * *

If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around.
Christina Stead (1903 - 1983), House of All Nations (1938) "Credo"

* * *

"Lack of money is the root of all evil." -George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

My Favorite Investment Banker Jokes

An INVESTMENT BANKER I know was sitting in the lobby of a San Francisco hotel when she saw a familiar face nearby. She was sure he was a former client or colleague, so she started walking over to him.

Just then, Henry Kissinger, the former U.S. secretary of state, strode in and took the seat my friend was about to occupy. She was saved. She had planned to open the conversation with Helmut Schmidt, the former chancellor of West Germany, by asking: "Didn't we work together at Chase Manhattan Bank?

* * *

These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:

"Help me, ladies! I am an INVESTMENT BANKER who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"

The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!"

* * *

An American INVESTMENT BANKER was at the pier of a small coastal Greek village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.

The American complimented the Greek on the quality of his fish and asked, "How long does it take to catch them?" The Greek replied: "Only a little while".

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Greek said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Greek fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play cards with my friends, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Athens, then London and eventually New York where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Greek fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-25 years." "But what then?" The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions ... Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play cards with your friends."

* * *

A lawyer, a fervent Democrat dressed in casual clothes, sits down to have his lunch in a park across from his office. The he notices a very distinguished and dignified man sit down a few feet away on the grass; he extremely well dressed in a tailored Hickey Freeman pinstriped suit, silk tie, starched white shirt, cuff links, tiepin, Rolex, highly polished black wingtips and silk socks. He places his expensive briefcase next to him and prepares for lunch.

“One of those Republicans, I’ll bet” thought the lawyer, and after introducing himself, he found out he is right – not only a Republican, but an INVESTMENT BANKER. The lawyer glances at the banker’s shoes, glistening in the sunlight.

Lawyer: "You have those polished every day, don’t you?"

Investment Banker: "Just about. I have to look good for the clients."

Lawyer: "What about the poor? A few shoeshines would pay for a lot food."

Investment Banker: "I help them through with taxes, but we all have a personal responsibility."

Lawyer: "I'm telling you, the poor only need a chance! We should be GIVING them money; they haven't had our advantages!"

Investment Banker: "We all have to work for what we have."

Lawyer: "Look, poverty can happen to anyone! There's no way you can know that from where you sit!" Investment Banker: "Keep talking if you want to. When I sleep, nothing wakes me - and I mean NOTHING!"

The investment banker sighs, then takes off his suit jacket, places it on the grass and falls into a deep sleep.

Then a barefoot homeless man appears, and asks the lawyer for change. The lawyer apologizes, and says he has nothing, but then he sees the investment banker's wallet in his suit pocket. He slips it out, and hands it to the homeless man.

But then he notices that the homeless man needs shoes. So he has an idea - he looks over at the feet of the sleeping investment banker... "Wait!" cries the lawyer. "I'm sure you need these more than he does."

He then starts to untie the investment banker's polished wingtips and carefully pulls them off. Even more carefully, he pulls off his black dress socks and hands both shoes and socks to the astonished homeless man. "With my compliments!"

Then the lawyer sees a sad woman with a baby walking by. "Can I help you?" he asks her. When he finds out that she needs money for her rent, the lawyer again approaches the snoring – and now barefoot - investment banker and removes his cuff links, then he slips the tiepin out of the silk tie and the Rolex off his wrist. He hands them all to the delighted woman. "Sell these!" the lawyer cries. "Oh, thank you sir" says the delighted woman, and runs off happily.

Next, a man in a janitor's uniform walks by, looking dejected. "What's the matter, my friend?" says the lawyer sympathetically. "I..lost my job. I have a chance for a better one, but I don't have the clothes! This is all I have!" and he holds up a pair of old polyester pants.

The lawyer sighs, and then sees the businessman's pinstriped suit jacket. "Would this help?" he asks the man. "Sure!" cries the man. "You could use a briefcase, too!" says the lawyer and opens up the investment banker's briefcase. He removes the contents and hands it to the joyful man. Then he looks at the investment banker's silk tie and white shirt. Can he manage it?

He has to move the investment banker a few times, but he only snores and sleeps. Then he undoes the banker's belt and pulls it off. Triumphantly he hands the shirt, belt and tie to the man.

"Wait" the lawyer cries. "You really need a full suit. Give me a hand and I’ll need those polyester pants. I’m getting good at this" and with great care and trouble, set to work. Ten minutes later, the sleeping investment banker was wearing the polyester pants and the man was staring happily at his tailored suit. He thanks the lawyer profusely and runs off. "How good it is to help people!" he says to himself.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman walks up to the investment banker, and snaps: "Hey buddy, wake up, no loitering! We don't allow bums to sleep here"

Finally the investment banker wakes up with a start and looks down at himself with astonishment. There is nothing left of the impeccably dressed executive he had been when he left his office. He is barefoot, and wearing only cheap trousers and a t-shirt. It takes him a moment to realize that his suit, shoes, socks, suit, tie, watch, jewelry, money and briefcase are gone.

He turns to the lawyer in astonished fury. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! WHERE IS MY SUIT, MY TIE, MY SHIRT! WHERE ARE MY SHOES AND SOCKS!? MY BRIEFCASE! HOW CAN I GO BACK TO MY OFFICE LIKE THIS!? I LOOK LIKE A BUM!"

The policeman then turns to the lawyer and says "Is this man disturbing you, sir?" and grabs the struggling investment banker by the arm and says: "You can sleep it off in the tank, buddy!" At that moment, his boss walks by on a stroll, sees his employee being dragged away by the policeman and cries out, "You’re fired!"

The lawyer just shrugs and says: "Those republicans! They never think it will happen to them!"


Sources: Lumpyporridge.com , Becquet.com, and Froggyjokes.com.

One-liner Arabian Proverbs

I love one-liner quotes because of their punch line character. Interestingly, proverbs satisfy that criteria. Most proverbs are short sayings. But don’t sneer at that length (actually, the lack of it), for proverbs express a lot of wisdom and truth very concisely.

Being a Roman Catholic, my introduction to proverbs was , of course, through the Bible. But I was also impressed with the depth and breadth of Arabic proverbs which I am featuring here today. I stumbled upon Arabic proverbs when I was looking for a suitable quote for a post in my other blog. From then on, I got hooked on the folksy wisdom of Arabian proverbs.

To the extent that proverbs embody a people’s culture and traditions, it is reasonanble to conclude, from my admittedly limited comparison of various proverbs, that how we experience reality, what we consider as proper rules of conduct, and the values that we want to pass on to the next generation seem to be universal across various cultures and religions. Try these:

A little debt makes a debtor, a great one an enemy.

* * *

Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies.

* * *

If you stop every time a dog barks, your road will never end.

* * *

If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.

* * *

Compete, don't envy.

* * *

Diligence is the mother of good luck.

* * *

Do not cut down the tree that gives you shade.

* * *

I am a prince and you are a prince; who will lead the donkeys?

* * *

Beware of one who flatters unduly; he will also censure unjustly.

* * *

A man profits more by the sight of an idiot than by the orations of the learned.

* * *

Keep your friends close - hold your enemies closer.

* * *

Arrogance diminishes wisdom.

* * *

A fool may be known by six things: anger, without cause; speech, without profit; change, without progress; inquiry, without object; putting trust in a stranger, and mistaking foes for friends.

* * *

When you heard that a mountain was moved, believe it; but when you hear that someone changed his character do not believe it.

* * *

Do not tell a friend anything you would conceal from an enemy.

* * *

A man's capacity is the same as his breadth of vision.

* * *

When you have spoken the word, it reigns over you. When it is unspoken you reign over it.

* * *

If power is for sale, sell your mother to buy it. You can always buy her back again.

* * *

A wise man associating with the vicious becomes an idiot; a dog traveling with good men becomes a rational being.

* * *

At the narrow passage there is no brother and no friend.

Sources: www.worldofquotes.com and www.thinkexist.com.

(Royalty-free photo shown above courtesy of www.sxc.hu)